April 21, 2004

  • So life has been great.  I cried.  And if any of you know me you know that I don't cry.  Well at least not very much.  I have made myself very cold over the years.  It is hard for me to reach the point where tear come.  I have done and seen some awful crap in my life, and through that I have lost a lot of compassion.  But every now and then I get to a point where I cry.  Usually its because of lack of sleep or something like that.  At this point I had been working on about two weeks of very little sleep, and lots of work, fun, play.


    I had picked up some girl from the airport on Wed of last week, and was telling her about me sneaking home to my family for Easter.  Then I started telling her about what God did for me on my way out of Colorado.  To start off with when I leave Colorado and I come back to visit I always make it known to God that I would like a little snow.  If its in the summer I tell him that a big thunder storm will do just as good.  All my life I have loved adverse weather.  Snow, Rain, Tornados, Blizzards, I just like the stuff.  Well as per normal on my way in I asked God if he could let it snow it would be nice.  So I spend my three days or so and at that point there hadn't even been rain or anything.  About 30 miles from the border on my way out of Colorado, I am just prayin and praising God for the good family time and seeing everybody and loving on him.  I tell him, "Its ok, I had a great time, I don't always need snow when I am in Colorado, after all it is spring time and it should be rain anyways, but its still to early in the season for good thunder storms."  Then I see some mist forming on my windshield.  Then I see some rain falling.  Then with about ten minutes left in Colorado it starts to freaking snow.


    Now you tell me, will your God let it snow, just because you miss it?  Ha, I love Jesus.  Anyway I was telling this story to the girl it hit me just how much Jesus loves me.  And I started to cry, it was probably only about six tears out of each eye, and I was able to act like I was just wiping something out of my eye, and not embarass myself.  But it was still a cry.


    But thats not all folks.  Here is the really good Jesus loves me stuff.  Some of you know its been a passion of mine to go to China and scout out for long term missions.  Well I have always been shut down and it has never happened.  No matter what I did, God shut it down.  When I took my 20,000 a year paycut to come work for TM I just gave up on it.  Not really gave up but came to the understanding that it would be quite awile till I was able to make it happen.  I just got a call from a friend who told me he felt he was supposed to buy me a ticket to and from and pay for a month for me to be in China.  Now how freaking cool is that.  When we were on the phone and he told me that I couldn't speak.  I just sat there, oh so glad that I had sat down before making the call.  My mind was racing in a hundred different ways, and sitting perfectly still at the same time.  I was in shock.  So I told him I needed some time think about it.  I still haven't made up my mind but I am looking into times and places.  One of the biggest things is that this man could use the money that he is saving for something else.  For himself and no one would be the wiser.  But he is willing to use it for me.  It is very humbling.


    I sat during praise and worship on saterday night during the Ft. Worth ATF and just cried.  Like a baby.  A hundred fold the few that fell during the car ride.  I am now very confused and muddling through all this.  I am glad I am able to post it, pray for my brain.


    I have a few other issues that I am fighting out with the Lord right now and for Him to just throw China on top of the mix, is . . .is. . .is . . .very . . .humm . . .can't think of word . . .odd?  I don't know.


    We are in baltimore this week, talk to ya'll later.  And remember to pray for my brain.


    BlackWolf

Comments (7)

  • wow, casey!  that's amazing...the snow, the china thing...cool.  i will do my best to remember to pray for your brain.  i'm shockingly slack at that sort of thing.  i'll say at least one little prayer straight away.

  • good times. . good cries. . .it's actually a good thing to do . .being sensitive to God's spirit. .scary and amazing. . .and overwhelming.. .yeah. . . God bless with all the plans for China and stuff. .way cool!

  • I read it. I like it.

    'some girl' i like that.

    have a good time at Art's.

    thanks for being the friend and really the great guy that you are-- seriously.

  • CAse!! You have got to go to China! You've got to! That is so freakin awesome!! Man if God gave me a ticket to Africa for a stinkin month I'd drop dead and go in a heart beat. Screw the world, I'm going!

  • I agree with Daniel on this one. You should go Casey, really. I mean this guy obviously feels like he is suppose to give you the money. How often do these opportunities come about? And the Lord knows this is a desire of your heart. Delight yourself in the Lord and HE will give you the desires of your heart. Pray'n for your brain. {V}

  • it's so random that you posted about crying. I just finished writing an opinion paper for my Family Counseling class. The paper was basically on any chapter from my Fear of Intimacy book. Anyway, I of course chose the chapter titled "MEN". Anyway, it talked about how one of the reasons men don't cry was because they are taught as boys that it's something they don't do. yadda yadda..Anyway, I thought it was funny cause just last week I was crying and a guy friend was really worried about me. So worried that he went driving around looking for me. Well, when he finally found me he asked me why I had been crying and my answer was "Just because" His response was "Oh yeah, I just love a good cry now and again, You know whenever I have some time on my hands i think, huh I could cry." Now, of course he was being sarcastic, but it's kinda true. Girls are more inept to just cry randomly. I just think that if a guy is willing to admit that he cries, or cries in front of a girl that he's showing his true self. He's not afraid of letting people know "I have weaknesses."  Not only that but whenever a person knows in their heart of hearts that JESUS loves you. And you truly believe that, it's gonna make you cry. Thanks for being so open and honest. It just reminded me that the male stereotype can be broken!

  • Case, GO!!! Don't ask questions but just go. It's what you were meant to do. Why else would God give you your chance.  There is a reason why this fellow is wanting to buy you a ticket. GO!!! Ne way hope you plan on breaking this to mom and not just leaving. Love you talk to you later.

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