So last night I was sitting on my couch drinking some of that wonderful 18 year single malt scotch I got on my way to Canada while thinking to myself while being slightly depressed, "I wish I had a vice, dammit, sure I drink, smoke, and on occation go with women who do. But I am not addicted to any of them. How great would it be to not have to blame myself for being an ass, when I could blame it on drugs, alcohal, maybe even bad relationship."

Tonight while I was talking to a great girl, who I have not had a good conversation with in a long while, and she happens to also be a good friend and somehow between the two of us we brought up the realm of "misconception" and how people usually do that when thinking about others. And I think that is rather unfortunate. Good news, she doesn't hate me, and really that's all I needed to hear. So between that and the 2 dozen other great people I have visited over the past month who don't hate me either, I have a pretty good life. Sometimes I forget that.

BlackWolf

Just a little rant about baseball.

Up till after WWII it really was an american past time. It did bring people together and gave hope to a depressed socity.

It had a purpose, a goal, a public service. But then we came up with ever increasingly better things to do, drinking in the fifty's became popular, singing in the 60's, dancing in the 70's, stealing in the 80's, being lazy in the 90's, and paying for it all in the 2000's.

Now as I understand it, some of those great people from the 50's and before are still alive, but they don't have much longer, and the best thing they can do with there demise, is take Baseball with them. Let the Japs play it, just take it out of America.

So now lets talk rant about Colorado sports teams, anyone who thought the Rockies had a chance at the World Series, were kidding themselfs, and dare I say, just being stupid. Colorado sports teams usually play amung the best, and occationally accidently make it to some sort of playoff round, consistitly beating the top ranked teams, but when it comes to winning a championship, they choke, big time, you could make a fortune betting on it.

Never support a Colorado team in a championship game, its just not worth it.

BlackWolf

PS I hate baseball.

Wedding in TX(Abby and Jason) Wedding in CA (Tristan and Amiela) Wedding in TX (David and Sarah) all in about 18 days. That is a lot of driving folks. Tired.

I got to see a lot of people I have missed dearly, and it has been a very wonderful time in my life.

And that is about all that has been going on, exhausted.

BlackWolf

So for those lovely young ladies from Canada who checked out my Xanga site and were a bit worried about this bloke from America, I hope this post puts to rest your fears.

I (pause for dramatic effect) can (another pause) not (what, or wait, yet again, we pause for effect) believe (guess what this is) how (yes, one more, this is really dramatic) much (I would not kid you about this folks) fun (still not kidding, I really mean it) I (not through yet, more drama) had . . . (normal pause) IN CANADA today.

I am pleasantly surprised that no one killed me, now I tell you what, there are those who wanted to by the end of the night, but they didn't. And this boy did not leave the dance floor all night long!!!

Now I am going to tell you that while there was fancy foot work involved, I didn't even dance one step.

I decided that the two lovebirds needed a second by second account of the entire evening. I took close to 3000 pics, of course I guess only about 250 will be REAL good, 250 good, and 500 useable, and maybe another 500 could have a use if a specific purpose came about. My flash compartment was so hot it nearly burnt me.

So much to say and not nearly enough words to say it.

Of course I exaggerate, just a bit, I may have taken closer to 2500 pics, and there are plenty of words, but you would not stick around to read them, so I won't bore you. I will post some pics at an "as of yet, unspecified time", or at least that is my intent.

Do you know how much God loves me, I found a bottle of "Glenlivet, single malt scotch, 18 year." I am imbibing it as we speak, er type, not the whole thing, just sipping on a glass, and no one brought up the french in a defensive way all day, saw a large number of good friends, and am staying at a hotel with one of them tonight. And I tell you what, life . . . is . . . good.

How is this, I want to get on and post today, I am stuck at the Petro truck stop in Scranton, PA and the internet service is real bad and not letting me on. That stinks so I eat my chicken fried steak, pack up everything and head to the shower so I can be ready when Christine St.Hilare picks me up so we can head up to Canada for Tristains wedding. Sitting in the shower room I think, "Maybe I am close to the router and it will work here." so I try . . . well you are reading this post.

The news, I am headed to Canada, which is why I need you help . . . see due to historical reasons Canada has an inordinate amount of people with french heritage, and they and I do not always get along, mostly because I despise their very existence, what can I say, they have just had a horrible unexplainable pious history of being stupid cowards. Not all, mind you there are some good ones, but in the general sense. Besides everytime they get a good leader they kill him or her. Take for instance the current President of france, someone is going to kill him, cause he is a good fellow. To bad.

Anyway I don't really need your help, there is no way in the world I would ask for your prayers for me to not be a dork. I will will just have to try to remeber what my Mom taught me, "If you don't have anything nice to say shut the hell up." Her voice started with that lovely motherly voice of caring and compassion and ended with a back hand across the face. I miss the good ole days, I love me Mom.

Side note, if you want to call me tonight, great do so, if you want to call me after tonight till Sunday eve, don't. I will be in Canada, and won't answer, texting is cool though.

Well time to throw a towel overtop of my laptop and step into the shower, but before I go I just want to state how great of time we live in, I am typing all this two steps away from the shower, and there is nothing between me and it, cover the laptop, step into the shower, I like being alive nowadays.

BlackWolf

So over the past 2 years of intense study of how I interact with humans I have come to the conclusion that my odds of remaining single are extraordinarily high. There are three broad reasons for this.

1st reason, first cause it is of least influence, is my looks. Now don't start thinking with fake compassion that I hate my body, and think I am fat and therefore ugly. I know I am fat, I have accepted that God made me this way and I am ok with being big, and I do not think I am ugly because of it. I often consider this particular trait a gift and have throughout my life thanked the Lord for the many blessings it has brought me.

2nd, and placed second because I am working from least influence to greatest and this is about midway between least and worst, is my wandering ways. I don't seem to stay put long enough to let a relationship develop to the nessesary level to take it to that final step.

3rd, and placed so because of the three slots available this is the only one left, is simply because I am an ass. I tend to not be as diplomatic as is commonly accepted by the general public. I tend to say what I think, and quickly tire of walking on eggshells around someone elses over emotional, self centered life. Mostly because I do my best to never commit what I think is this worlds biggest sin. Which it taking offense, I just don't do it, I care to much about the big picture to let pettiness ruin my attitude. I never (almost never) set out to offend, to harm ones ego, emotions, or self worth. And if I do, I make it blatantly obvious.

And (I use this phrase mostly because my English teacher told me to NEVER do so.) in conclusion, because I like who I am, and see no real reason to change it, I have to live with the results. That means single, BTR(Bachelor Till Rapture), not because I want to, but because I choose to.

But I do have optimism, sometimes it wanes, but it is always there, that the Lord has made a mate for me, someone who can live with an insane person such as myself.

BlackWolf

Oh Deer . . . Oh Dear . . .

I always get jealous when David Dean and/or David Lenard post about these great hunting trips. Now don't get me wrong, they are both great guys, good hunters, and can both cook a mean chunk of meat. One of which just invited me to his wedding, the other, feeling left out no doubt, just got a new puppy.

So I simply thought it would be a blast to outdo them in "Manliness". So without a hunting license, and with out a gun I went out to bag me a deer.

Why?

Well cause I am a great stalker and I got my Gerber Muti-tool, which of course has a knife, and that is all I, as a MAN, need.

My lovely sister Mary photographed the whole journey just before getting ran over by my parents van. Which I happily photographed as a return thanks for her kindness.

The Photo's speak for themselves. Yet I will still add captions . . .

The silent stalk . . .

Look at those skills, the sun is in my eyes yet I stalk on . . .

The perfect Kill . . .

Just Kidding, saddly I hurt the deer's feelings, so to make up for it I hand fed her some leaves.

Now to my sisters death, yes it was hard to film something so tragic, but you all already know, just how tactless I am, so lets just get on with it.

She is innocently crossing the road . . .

When out of nowhere my Father hits the gas, if you look closely you can see him and my Mom enjoying this waaaaay to much . . .

My sister with no time to react in anything then utter shock, is struck . . .

And goes down . . .

This all happened a couple months ago. All in all we had a good day. My family and some close friends had all met up and hung out in Sterling Colorado, that day was the first day my Mother got to see, and thus visit where her brother, my Uncle, had been buried, just over a year ago. It was a tough day, but a good day.

Please note that no animals, or sisters were hurt . . . to bad . . . by the making of this post.

BlackWolf

P.S. I post as if I am lighthearted, but it is only to distract me from the despair and lack of control I feel on the inside. Babies are so fragile, yet most of us were one once, so maybe not so. It is confusing, at least to me. I know of two babies in the past week, one who died, and one who quit breathing. One is with the Lord, the other still here on earth. I wonder which is better off . . .

I, being selfish and posting only for my own gratification, am distraught, I wish to be in both locations at once, but am sadly stuck in New Mexico, which normally would not be a problem, but at the end of this week, it is.

I love my job, one of the more entertaining aspects of my job is I get to meet a lot of interesting people, and some of those people are prostitutes.

(not really her, it was to dark out for the real picture I took of her to turn out any good.)

I have had a number of encounters with these wonderful women, who for what ever reason must turn to a life of selling there bodies for money.

Its not a great idea, or even a good job, it has a ton of risk and could very easily get a gal dead. If she is lucky it would be a quick death, maybe shooting, stabbing or beating. If not that, then a long miserable death due to some itchy, smelly, rotting from the inside out, disease.

Someday I am going to have to list and tell the stories of each of my encounters. My "first" in Las Vegas, NV the "gal with the diesel in her pocket". Or maybe the "wash it out in a mud puddle" girl in Gary, IN. Even throw in the "old lady" in Tye, TX for fun. Couldn't forget to leave out the creepy "Black Man" in Rosewell, NM, he could have been an alien. Or the ROTFLOL "sex and drugs keep you skinny, you should try it" spinning in a circle dance with her shirt pulled up girl from Tallula, LA. There are a bunch of them, each with their own sad, but interesting story.

Tonight my xanga inspiration came from a shorter(~5'4"), skinny (~120lbs), cute pudgy faced black lady in Houston, TX. She was dressed in blue sweat pants(quick and easy to get on and off), a "Popeye's Chicken" polo shirt (she probably used to work there), and her hair was done up real nice(a red bow was used). I am in my cab, playing with my new (or it still seems that way to me) iPhone enjoying the wonders of it not costing me $1920.00, and only costing me $685.00, (Thank you Mr. Jobs, and Genevieve Boecker). This us how the scenario played out.

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She walks by, looks up in my cab, shrugs her shoulders as if to say "Why Not".

I shake my head as if to say "No thanks.".

She walks on.

She shows back up 20 min later, just as I am about to hop out of my truck and help guide a guy whose truck is about to rip off the front of my truck, out of the tight parking spot next to me.

She waves at me and gives me a hand up "stop, don't get out" motion. Then starts to guide this guy around me, she stops him as I release my brakes to pull forward and back in my cab at an angle to give him a couple more feet of manerverability room, she also watched me to make sure I wasn't going to hit anything. She then finishes directing him out and around me.

Waves "bye" to him, me, and goes about her business.

**************************************************

Taking time out of her busy night to help someone else out, what a gal.

I have seen other guys and gals shun these "ladies of the night", flip them off, yell at them, curse at them, talk about them behind their backs, condemn them to hell, even try (or at least act) like they are going to run them over, the funniest mostly because of its sheer lunacy is when they try to peach to them. No one takes really the time to feel compassion, to think about things from the prostates point of view. Do you really think that when that little girl was growing up as a kid she thought she would be selling her body to make a living? Why would she ever do it, what brought her to that point in her life?

(Again not her, just cute pics of my nephew CJ. Visit my sisters site at www.xanga.com/nurseducke to see more of his cuteness.)

I know I once thought about it, selling my body to make some extra cash, but it turns out I am to ugly to even give it away.

Try to think about that next time you are about to condemn or look down at someone(whatever it is that they do, prostitute, drugs, alcohol, cut, smoke, date, not go to church on sunday, talk to much, talk to little, curse etc. etc. etc..) Who are they? How did they get to where they are in there life? What could happen to you to put you in that same place?

I am not telling you to make an excuse for their bad behavior, but just to try to understand it, put yourself in their place, how would you want to be treated?

Then simply treat them that way.

BlackWolf

So I have been really busy, and things have been out of control the past month and a half, just flying by so fast I can't even keep up, in short order stuff I've done, or maybe not in order at all . . .

Bought 3 iPhones

Sold 2 iPhones

bought a new MacBook

sent it back to Apple to have the optical drive (dual layer dvd/cd reader writer) replaced

paid my 2nd and 3rd "I'm buying a house!!!!" payments

drove about 22,000 miles

thought about how great it will be to die

went camping with Bryan Boecker and family

hung out with the great StHilaire family

asked 6 girls on dates

went on 3 dates

been in 25 different states

got my first set of "rent" checks from people living with me

introduced a girl to the wonders of "Scotch"

finished off 1.5 pints of "southern comfort, 100 proof" in one evening

finished off the rest of the Scotch myself

thought about how great my life is

thought of anouther girl who could use some Scotch in her life

and a guy who helped her, get herself to that point(such is life, we can only be hurt by those who we let hurt us)

drank a pop

gallons of coffee

got a performance raise that could pan out to be between 500 and 1000 a month

smashed my "flipper" finger between a two pieces of metal

went to fast down a hill in my simi and smoked the brakes, twice

put down the family dog

talked to numerous friends on the new iPhone

started listening to Ray Vanderlaan again

and a ton of other stuff you don't care about, but it was fun, and I had a great time doing it, well most of it.

The one thing was isn't so fun, the smashed finger, well half the nail is loose from the fingertip, the other half, firmly attached. Minor infection, small amounts of mostly clear puss, the problem, no way to get it out except suction, the the best(and cheapest) tool for the job, my mouth . . .

BlackWolf