Hey fellas,

This here is one of them very important dream interpretations, although you really don't have much time to interpret this dream.  Nor do I really expect you to.

As you know I sometimes ask for help in interpreting my dreams.  The first one was about me killing my Mentor and not wanting to do paperwork.  August 22  2002.   Now not too many people helped me there.

Although on my second one about naked ladies, I got more help then I needed.  January 22  2003.

Now lets go on about this dream.  I have been kinda worried and tried to forget about it, but it was so disturbing and I wrote it down on a calender.  On September 15 of this year just over three months ago I had a dream.  When I woke up I had this very strong feeling of dread.  And the letters D  E   C and the numbers 2 and 7 were the only things to come through.  Why, I don't know.  As I woke up trying to remeber the dream it aluded me.  I couldn't remember it, and I tried all day long.  Just the leters and numbers running through my head.  All day long DEC 27, DEC 27, DEC 27, DEC 27, DEC 27, DEC 27.  So I wrote it down on the calender.  Obvously it seems to mean December 27th.

Now only one thing ever happened on that day in my life that I can remember.  The day after Christmas in 1986, my Grandma had a stroke at the kitchen table.  The next morning, nearly 24hours later she died.  The date DEC 27  1986.  So I hope it was just a dream about that.  But for three months I haven't been able to shake that feeling of dread that I had in that dream.

I was thinking the last few months that maybe this is the day that I die.  And I have thought about my life a little.  Was it worth it, did I change anythiing, did I help anyone, did I help myself.  I thought that maybe I was supposed to change my life and change the way I live by that date. 

All I came up with is that I know my faith has changed people.  I have incoraged many to be more honest and to live a life that is not fake.  To be real, even when real is not what others expect.  I claim to be a Christian, but I don't claim to be perfect.  I have told others that you need to expect sin even out of those who are Christian, and not to be surprised by it, we all sin, and we all have fallen short of the glory of Christ.  That is why he is there, to love us, even though the stupid shit that we do, and that we know we shouldn't do.  It is his continuing love that we are to see, and by seeing it we know that he is real.  And he will always be there.  Our God has not lost a single soul.  The Bible says that no one can snatch even one out of his hand.  It also says that he loved us so much he would die for us. 

I have thought about that, and I once thought, "so what, he died for us, if I was walking down the street and saw a stranger about to be run over, I would move out and push him out of the way and take the impact, knowing full well I might die.  I would stand up and be a volenteer to take a bullet so some stranger wouldn't have to.  Heck I ain't afraid of death.  Whats the big deal?" 

Well I have come to understand that Jesus didn't die for some stranger.  He got up on that cross knowing the very evil of my soul, of your soul.  He knows the very darkest sins, the sins that would make your mother cry.  The sins that scare you so much, and even knowing that you commited them scares the hell out of you.  Think about it, think about that sin, the one you told nobody, not you paster, your mom, your friend,  or your accountability partner.  That sin, He looked you into the eyes of your soul, to the bottom of your heart and knowing that you don't deserve even an ounce of His love, knowing the very being that you are, the worthless excuse for a human that you are, He looked that evil in the face, and what did he do?  He didn't condeme you for it, He didn't spit in it, He reached out His hand and grabed you and pulled you close.  With tears in His eyes He willing went to that cross.  You were no stranger to Him, He knows your darkest secret, and He loves you anyway.

I have found who Christ is, I have strained to live Him day by day.  And yet even I have failed to live, my all, for Him.  For the past few months I have been living off of my Gaverment, taking thier enemployment, nothing wrong with that, but I have failed to do my part and ernestly seek work.  I have taked advantage of the system.  I have been lazy, that is one thing that is hard to admit for me.  But I have been. 

I could have used this time off to seek God, and read up on his word more.  To come closer to Him, but I have been lazy, I have looked at my Bible and said, tommarow.  I have woke up and said, I can pray later.  Even after the dream I have been a lazy Christian.  I didn't make any time for him.  Daily I fail him.

And if I die today, what am I going to do at those perly gates . . .?  Beg to be let in, crawl and weep in agony?  What will I do?  I have no idea.  But today I will be mornful.  Today I will admit my wrong.  I spoke to many in casual everyday talk and said that procrastination is not a big deal.  Waiting till the last minute isn't a bad thing.  Well in the daily life of job and play, its not a big deal, but when it deals with iternity, I wander how many souls I could have changed.  How many could I have affected.  How many would know themselfs better, and therefore know Christ better?  How many injured samiritans did I walk by on that lonly road to Damscus?

Yes for me today is mornful.  Today I admit that I am a sinner, a sinner of the worst kind.  I am a lazy christian, who knowing that I may have but a few short months left, and could have taken advantage of that . . .I was lazy.

In no means does this sermon(post) resolve me of my sin.  I must confes before my Lord.  And if today is my last, so be it.  I have lived my life, and I must pay for it.

Hopefully it is not, and only a reminder that He could take me at any time, and just wanted to let me know he still loves me and even though I have fallen he loves me and wants me to do good.  There is no time like the present to be right with the Big Man.  No time like now to be doing His will, because one of these days there will be no tommorw, and why not go into the next life with a good step.

If today be my last, and I knew it for sure I would tell you all, ok I would tell those of you I know personaly, I love you.  I wish I were a better freind.  To those of you I don't know personaly, I love you too, and pray for your souls to be right with the Lord.  And if today be my last I tell my family, and all those who I have adopted as family, all my brothers, sisters, grandmas, grandpas, anuts, uncles, cousines, nieces, nephews, fathers and my mother, I love you.  I leave no debt for you.  And no cash for you.  Enjoy my stuff, I won't need it where I am going. 

And if today be my last, and I could chose the way to go, I would stand atop a moutain in swirling snow.  Breath my last and depart with that breath.  To heaven and to a wonderful new life of eternity.

Seeing as I can't chose how to go, or don't even know if this is my last day, heck maybe its someone close to my who is supposed to go, or maybe it was just a love warning from Jesus, I now go off to pray, and ask for forgivness.  To clense my soul and be the Man I was created to be. 

To pray I don't forget about this lesson by the day after today.

BlackWolf

I would like to dedicate this post to the woman who on two seperate occations refused to Marry me.  I don't throw the M-word around a lot so feel my pain.  Spread thoughout the story below each paragraph is a link to the very places where all this happened.  Follow them and enjoy my pain.

As far as me asking people to "M-word + ing" me I have asked twice, and been asked once.  Not everytime was specific but it was still out there.

The first time I ever asked I was just kidding, and it didn't involve gWyn, it involved a nice girl by the name of "Woodmansee"  and that was such a cool last name I just had to ask so that maybe it could be my last name.  The response to my question was not too bad, just a non answer.  This was actually very cordial and I wouldn't even mention it but I need to be honest.

The second time I asked I was really hoping for a response, but it seems my girl was just not out there.

Of course gWyn was quick to dismiss me and go about her happy life.

The second time she asked.   (Sorry!!!  You will have to scroll down to the Dec 16 post.  Screwy Xanga bug I guess.)

This is her denighing  asking in the first place.  Its just the first paragraph.

Of cource I being a man had to set conditions.  (Scroll to the last comment on her post.)

gWyn of cource being female and being of constant ability to change her mind about even asking was quick to dissmiss me again.

And then she had to mock me.

I am not too bitter, well maybe just a little so I decided to have this contest to make me happy again.  It would do that by fixing my damaged ego and making it seem that people still like me.

I wish to put a challenge out there. 

I got my profil pic to change each time someone visits my site.  So the challenge is to find out how may pics I have.  In the one pic that has more then one person, tell me who the four people are.  Leave an email listing the number of pics and a breif description of how you think each one of them represents me.

Again keep in mind I personaly picked out each pic, and in some way it represnts me.

The first to list them all, and discribe why you think it represents me.

And to tell me who the four people are.

The first to do so will get a brand new crisp ten dollar bill, No make that 10 one doller coins,  maybe if you are lucky you can get a check with actual signature.  Heck I will leave it up to you.

The best lists, or maybe all the lists will be posted at a later date.

Yehaw people get at it.

BlackWolf

PS not only is this post to fix my ego but to encourage you to go to gWyn's site.  She is probably the most absolutly funny female I know and she likes to get flowery song comments.  Subscribe to her site, bookmark it, put it in your favorites folder, just visit and visit often.

You know how sometimes you feel a "holic" coming on.

Like you eat a candy bar and for the next week you know you are a "chocoholic".

Theirs the famous and sometimes deadly "alcoholic".  Which I add, isn't as bad as everyone thinks.  I belive there is a time and place for everything, heck Jesus's first miracle was being a bar tender.

There is the "smokeaholic".  Of which a number of local and a few federal governments are unconstitutionally trying to pound into the earth.

You got the lead footed "speedaholic" who loves to go fast even thought there is no real reason.

But today, or rather tonight I decided while updating my "sites I read" subscription list at 02:00 or so this morning that I would become a "Jeevesaholic" and so I have committed my very existance(minus any importing things like food and sleep and living a normal life) to being a "Jeevesaholic"

Please join me by subscribing and posting on every one of  "The Coalition of Jeeves" weblogs.  I have and you should too, DO NOT BE ASHAMED OF BEING A "JEEVESAHOLIC"  Show our support for the man of mystery, and . . .

Heck what am I doing, it 03:59 and I spent how much time subscribing to and posting on every site . . oh no it has started.

Uncle Bob, er, ehh, umm, BlackWolf

BlackWolf

Well, this last week my aunt died.  She was a great lady with  a little phcitsofrania.  You figure out how to spell that one, i'll give your two props for it.

She really ain't my aunt but my Mom considers her a sister, and she took care of us when we were kids.  The "LATE GREAT BABYSITTER".  We always treated her as an aunt, even though we never called her that.  I had just taken her to the Sterling Hospital a few days before for thyroid cancer removal surgery.  Which went very well.

She had been a little confused the past few weeks, her body salts were low, she probably wasn't getting a high enough blood  ox, and she had had an alergic reaction to some alergy medication.

With all that she said to a nurse who had helped her to the potty at 4am, "Open the papertowel dispenser, Jesus is stuck in there."  When they went in to wake her for breakfast at 6am, she was gone, so Jesus must have found a way out of the papertowel dispeser and taken her home.

We had her burial two days ago, I was a poll bearer, and yesterday was the memorial service.  She had said she wanted it to be a celebration time, so we had her all dolled up in bright colors, her uligy and the service were all upbeat and there was laughter and joy at the diner after the service.

So all in all it was a good . . .no it was a very good death.  We all know that she is with Jesus, and she will no longer have to put up with her brain shorting out on her.  Of cource we all wish she had stayed along here on earth a while longer, but when daddy calls us home for supper we must go.

It is hardest on my Mom, if you could say a prayer for her as you read this it would be great.  Thanks.

Check out the post below for a small memorial post to her.

BlackWolf

01-09-1947-----IN MEMORY-----JOSIE HALVERSON-----10-5-2003

Here is the anouncment that was in the church buliten, and around town.  The pics are six of her old driver licenses go down the left side and up the right for chronlogical order.  I just thought it was a cool way to give a photo tribute to her.

The inside of the funeral home info thingy had this poem which I thought was cool.

Safely Home

I am home in heaven, dear ones;

Oh, so happy and so bright!

There is perfect joy and beauty

In this everlasting light.

All the pain and grief is over,

every restless tossing passed;

I am now at peace forever,

You shall rest in God's own land.

There is work still waiting for you.

So you must not idly stand;

Do it now, while life remaineth-

You shall rest in God's own land.

When that work is all completed,

He will gently call you Home:

Oh, the rapture of that meeting,

Oh, the joy to see you come!

Her obit reads,

Josephine Halverson

Josephine Halverson died Dec. 5 2003 at the Sterling Regional Medical Center.

Josie was born Jan 9, 1947 in Julesburg.  She was baptized i the Christian Church as a baby and later as an adult.  She loved the Lord with all her heart and soul.  Josie loved children and would often babysit for Helen Perry when her kids were small; she loved them as if they were her own.

Josie loved to go out for coffee and visit with anyone who would listen.

Josie was preceded in death by her parents Eston and Edna Zongker; her first husband Harvey Brown; second husband Vernon Eashelman; Anut Opal laughman; and mayn other aunts and uncles.

She is survived by her husband Charles Halverson and the family she loved most.  Mitch, Helen, Mickey, and Michael Perry; Mary, Casey, and Sam Fox.  We all love and miss her greatly.

Well crap I've been gone awhile, and I am not sure that I am back as of yet, to those of you who I have not been reading as zealously as I used to sorry, specificaly gWyn, patrick, and cora.

I have spent the last 30 weeks being a bum, and only have 11 weeks left to be a bum, at which time I will stop raping my goverment and get off of unemployment and look for a real job.  Although getting paid ~1500 a month to sit around and watch foxnews, and listen to rush limbaugh, michal savage, and Dr. Laura.  Not to mention keeping up on Stargate SG1, and Star Trek: Enterprise, and whatever movies are at the local theater, an occational trip to Chicago(occational meaning only once) and more then a few trips to Denver(6ish) would have been better if Patrick had been there, and then more then plenty of trips to Greely(10ish) where my sis lives.

Speaking of my Sis, she wrecked my car so I got to try out my K5(highest standard coverage you can get with Farmers Inusrance Exchange, which I am required to purchase because of Colorado Law and contract signachers) for ~30days.  What a hassel.  Although I did enjoy driving an automatic ford focus, and because it was not my focus and I had purchased a full supplimental insurance on it(all covered for the $50 a day rental for 20 days by my K5 policy) I got to really run it and run it hard.  High speeds, long distance, and pasture testing the shocks and seat belts.  Plenty of mudd runnin' and even some bush trimming just to make sure it all worked like it was supposed to.  I kicked its butt just enouhg to not need the supplimental insurance policy.

That was really fun, I made time to stop by and see the newly married Mike Molaceck, whose his last name is spelled wrong to protect his identity, and also so I can be lazy and not look up the proper way to do it.

Anyway I suppose that is enough for now, for those of you in the primary states vote for your favorite demecrate so he can be crushed by Bush in November 04'.

BlackWolf

Well I know its been awhile sense I last posted. . .ok that's an understatement, but anyway I think I remember how to do it.  So here goes.

A lot of cool things have happened lately, to list a few they would include getting fired for breaking my companies harassment policy.  Our youth group growing quite well, a great time at the ATF in Denver, and last but not least my questions for God.

On all of them you can guess, fumble and even gossip about, but on the last one is where I ask for you input.

I have tried to be steady in a calling that God put in my heart.  That is my heart for reaching China, Tibet more specifically.  I had this big plan all worked up, which obviously included money.  And it seems everytime that I get just about all of it built up, or at least a good portion of it built up, I have to go spend it.  I'm not talking about little things like buying a new bike, or a home gym, or a computer or stuff like that, but big ticket stuff like paying for my family's stay while my mom was in the hospital with a heart attack, and helping my sister pay off a car that she blew the engine so she could get a new one and still have wheels to get to work and school and such.  Most of it family and crap.  And all of it I would turn right around and do again.  Heck if you ain't got family what have you got?  Not that by not spending my money I wouldn't have family but I consider them important, and usually they are more important then myself.  I have given up a number of dreams, because of them, and again I would do it all over just the same.

But why would God throw this at me when I am trying to get over to his children and teach his love?  I wonder about things like did I ever even hear his voice, and if I did why are things changing?  I pray all the time for him to not let me let my faith or life fall prey to evil, but at the same time question if I have heard his voice.

Heck its 02:30 in the morning and my coffee is getting ready to run out, I'll let you ponder this, I leave for two days of supposed fun, while I am happy on the outside my inside swirl in a cloud of sand and gritty dust, I feel my heart drying out like my tounge already is from the desert heat of doubt, my brain boils with indecision, and my stomach is heavy from swallowing stones of of despair.  Lord I know you are out there, I know you love me, I know all the answers lie in you and your love, but I still can not reach the end of this desert to find you, I am lost and alone.  I can not find you so I beg you to find me . . .

BlackWolf

Well here is the pic that I promised of my current love.  Me and Smokey.

Sorry it wasn't here a couple days ago, at first it was my fault for being stupid then once I was done being stupid Xanga was being stupid.  So I tried the next day and Xanga was either still stupid, or had became stupid again.  But tonight we both are smart.