Ok so that you all don't think I am a heartless fool.  I cry, and all to often it is when I don't want to.

For this team, and other friends missing right now, it didn't happen.  Like I said on someones site;

"Sometimes your brain just catches on before your heart gets a chance to react."-BlackWolf

But I do miss you guys, for some reason you became attached to my normaly non-tachable heart.  I had a good half a year of some awsome growth spawned by your guys passion for life.

I have been through the feelings you all are going through a number of times.  It will pass, and then you will be sad that you arn't sad anymore, and you will still be sad.

Anyway I ate a lot last night, went to "The Melting Pot".  Oh my gosh I can't belive how much good food I had.  Me and G and anouther of my MT year guys Marice went to Dallas, and had a great time.

I would tell more but I am tired, and not to witty right now.

BlackWolf

So I am back, and only slightly bitter.

Not at the trip or anything that was so enjoyable.  The Lord has blessed me with the best family and friends in the world.

I missed graduation of many of my friends, but my family will always top out friends.  I think it should be that way.

As of the last post it was more literal, I was driving off in the dark alone.  And scared . . . well I don't really let things scare me, occationaly I let people, but not the ones that most would.  I have never feared death, I can remeber a time in Jr. High before I was saved, I was scared of death.  But it lead me to the Lord and it was a good thing.

I miss everyone so much, I miss my family now that I got to see them and leave I may even miss them more then I did before I went home, and when I get back a lot of my other friends are gone . . . and I miss them too.

I don't think I have ever taken the DISC test that I know of.

Sometimes life sucks, but we carry on.

And I haven't cried.

BlackWolf

 

Hey this is me, I am working on around of 48 plus hours of bad or no sleep.  Its probably closer to 78 or so.

So I am going to sleep and hopefully leave at 20:00 hours tonight.

I will be driving off into the darkness, alone, by my self and scared.  Well not scared but thats only becasue I am to stupid to know what there is to be scared of.

Oh wait I remember, but I don't feel like talking about it cause I would rather sleep.

To those of you whom I love and are departing, bye I will miss you and hope to hear from you on the new adventures, trials, and tribulations of your life.

I won't cry.

BlackWolf

I have accomplished a lot these past few days.

I finished a book a friend loaned me, its written by J. Oswald Sanders, or maybe that was J Sanders Oswald, and the name of it was Be All You Can Be, no thats the army slogan, ummm, All That I Can Be, yea thats it . . .I think.  I promis you its a great book, it really lets loose on how your walk with the Lord should be, and has some very great lessons in humility, and growth oportunities, I recomend it.  In fact I am going to see if that friend of mine will let me keep it long enough to read it again.

I am finished with one Journal, which means I get to start a new one.  I just so happened to get one for my B-Day and can't wait to use it.

I bought two new pair of pants, blue camos of course, these are slightly different from the other ones I have, these are the summer style of pant, not the winter style, which unless you know the difference you probably won't be able to tell.  The coolest thing is that I bought for the first time in a couple of years 2X pants rather then 3X.  I also bought a new T-Shirt, black of corse, this was a 2x as well.  It is tight, but it fits, YEEEEEHAAAAAAAW.

As Kris says, preaty soon I will be the BlackWolf Ninja, I will be able to turn sideways and disapear.

I am enjoying the crap out of myself here in New Orleans.  I can't tell you how much.  That Matt Breedlove is a great guy, girls you need to chase that man.

Well here is the sad news, I will be on Campus for the evening of the 6th, all day the 7th, and till the early eve of the 8th.  If I don't see you guys then, it could be awile.  So if you see me make a point to stop and say hi.  I will be back from my little trip to Salt Lake City, Ut on the 15th of Aug.  I know that I will miss some of you, and that is regreatable.

Here is my advise for those of you going home.  Stay strong, and be weak, die and yet live, lead yet follow, drink and still thirst, and if you ever need someone to talk to call your Mom.  Or me if you have to.

BlackWolf

PS if you all are looking for a "I am graduating/leaving and want to get Casey a gift gift, then look into getting togeather and buying me the "New Testament, as read by Johnny Cash"  Its like $30.00 bucks at wal-mart.

There is a potential for an Ice Cream Party at my house on the afternoon of the 8th. 

So you know when you are sitting around and wishing for something in life to change.

Remember a few posts ago I said I was road sick.  Well from the 14th till the 23rd or so I was in New Orleans on a mission Trip.  Well I was driving the bus and did what personal evagelisim I could, and did a whole lot of serving, and lifting up as much as I could.

It was a blast.

Well I leave for New Orleans again on the 28th, and get back on the 6th of Aug.  It will be twice as great becase I now know everything I need to know about New Orleans, and can now learn a lot more.

But on the 9th I leave for Salt Lake City to pick up someones luggage and get back to the TM campus on the 15th.

One day after graduation, and everyone, well not everyone, but a lot of people I know are going to be gone, and I am going to miss the crap out of them.

I have like four days to say all my goodbyes and those will be over way to quickly.  I am a little saddened.  OK a lot saddened.

So if you are one of those people who are leaving, make sure if you see me you say hi and by, and give me a hug.  I will miss you guys a lot.

On a brighter note I went to see "The Cinderalla Story" the other night.  It was a blast.  I know you are thinking Casey, and a chick flick and he had fun, what the crap.

Well don't get scared, I went with a couple of ladies, and sat inbetween them, and made fun of the movie the whole way through.  Then we get to a stupic, "I just met you and don't know you but want to lock lips with you" moment and I cup my hands over my mouth and yell "BOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!"  long and loud.

Next think I know I am being beat to a bloody pulp.

The ladies may never go to a movie with me again.  That would be sad, a toxic by-product of fun.  But maybe they will, and it just won't be a chick flick.

Oh so much fun, is such a short time.  I love Jesus.

BlackWolf

Well I am paying for this, probably be ten bucks by the time I am finished.  That is why I didn't visit everyones site.  Sorry, I will get to it when I get back from New Orleans.

Yes thats right, in case you didn't know I am in the Big EZ. 

It has been so relaxing and fun, it is definutly kick butt.  Ten times better then campus life.  I can't belive I decided to stay on campus all summer, next summer no such luck.

The Lord has continued his blessings in my life.  This trip is so good, I can't tell you how good.

But let me ask you this, do you think I am a sap.  I think I need help.

To keep the situation simple, and anonymous, it is slightly altered, but here goes.

I fell to the temptations of a woman.  I wanted a blue space ship, and she wanted me to get the red space ship.  Now I detest red.  Ever since grade school when the kids are picking out their favorite colors, and nearly everyone called out either red or blue.  I went with black.  And would settle for blue.  But red was never even a choice.  I have hated it all my life.  The only way to make red look good is if its blood, which is cool, or mixed well with white and blue, as in the American Flag.

Well anyway I said I detest red, and she says she likes it.

I say I don't want red, she says please, with bright, shinny, pleading eyes.

I try to insitst, and she says every time I look at it I will think of her, and I say every time I look at it I will hate it.

I tryed to explain that I never liked red, and she laughs and asks again with the whole please thing.

I grumble under my breth and put the red tote, er I mean . . .space ship into my shopping cart and head to the wal-mart counter.

I called her deliaha under my breath, she asked what and I mumbled it again, I don't know if she caught it, or not.

I will think of her everytime I see that t. . . er space ship, and it will be red, and I will remember falling into the temptations of a woman.

So anyway later on in the car she says I am not to ask to see her jou . . .er,  artwork, anymore.  I ask why not. 

She says cause it makes a girl feel bad to say no to a guy.

I smile to myself and point out the big red space ship in the back of my car, yea now I understand why I can't see her artwork, but I still have a red space ship, all because I can't say no to a big smile, bright eyes, and please.

So too all my peeps out there, I plead for you to not take advantage of my heart, it is big, and it bleeds ever so easily.

The slightly fallen one, BlackWolf

Yesterday at nearly 12:00 I saw for the potentialy the last time, one of my bestest, and longest lasting friends walk threw the security section at gate C21 at the Dallas/Ft. Worth International Airport.

I pray I get to see him, and that our comunication in between that time and this time is full of goodness.

Here is a little ditty that I wrote, its intent is sappy not sad.  I did that because I was going to, and did, read it to him at the airport, and I didn't want to cry.  I have been such a wuss latley.  Visit Kris's site here.

 

I know that this poem will be bad,

but it expresses just how much I am sad.

 

You have been here so long,

its almost as if you belong.

 

I know that all you wanted was to get out,

but thanks for sticking with it and not being a pout.

 

Kris, my brother, oh my,

how you make the girls cry.

 

You break thier hearts,

on your way back to a Turk.

 

Yea I know shes from Uzbekastan,

and that just makes you more a man.

 

I pray that you get to throw you wifes garter,

before you become a marter.

 

I know that, that time, and many other times, may never come,

cause one of us could be shot by a gun.

 

I pray we last long enough to finish our ventures,

so we can talk about them while waring dentures.

 

Go and reach the souls that are lost,

while working under the loving guidence of the ultimate boss.

 

I will miss you,

and be oh so blue.

 

I know its sappy,

but your leaving also makes me happy.

 

You are filled with fire,

to do your hearts desire.

 

I may never see you again,

but I know its not the end.

 

What a party it will be,

when at the pearly gates we meet.

 

They say to die for Christ is to gain,

at times like this to live for him is a pain.

 

Sorry that when I ryme,

its like sucking on a lime.

 

Thanks for being my friend,

right till this end.

 

A new begining starts today,

as you are about to fly away.

 

Trust me when I tell you I am not lying,

I love you Kristopher Trine.

I was able to find a compromise.  It is something that I havn't done in a long time and had forgotten about.  But it could have worked out.  Turns out that for me the gig wouldn't have worked out anyway and they found someone else.

Oh well.

And as for as the brain wash its kind of a personal thing that if you ask me about I will tell you.  Its kinda hard to put to type, so while it makes sense to me, its becasue I can sometimes understand my brain.  Most times not, but sometimes.

BlackWolf

So I feel like a jerk today.

Before I get to that I had a great time seeing SpiderMan2 last night.  Great flick.  There was some cheesy moments but all in all it wasn't half bad.  Of cource going with the great group of people that I went with helped.  That would be in short Bry, Christine, Barker, Art, Gen, Petiet, Josh, Bob, Little Miss Allie, Josh, Tim, and multiple others.

So today I had to stand by a standard I made in my life.  I made the standard back in early 99.  Until then it was a so so standard that I preaty much followed, but not always.

So I don't dress up for anything but weddings, funerals, and free food.  And not cheap free food but quality free food.  I committed to this when I found out that one of my leaders was brain washing me.  We will just refer to him as DH.  In mid 98 I decided that for dress up occations for TM I would ware a tie.  After a few months I was walking through Wal-Mart and found a rack of Ties for cheap.  I thought to myself "Hey these are cheap if I buy one or two I won't have to borrow any more."  That was the point where i realized that I was being brain washed.  I didn't like the thought of me wareing ties, and at that point vowed to never ware one again.  At nearly the same time I made up my mind that I would only dress up for furerals, weddings, and free food.  I have held that standard for a long time.

Today I was asked if I could dress up to pick up a VIP, I told them my standards, and they arn't happy.  I feel like a jerk because it seems so petty, but if you don't hold true to yourself, then what are you to do.

I did make exceptions to the rule, and that is when my wife is involved, she will be the one to whom I will submit.  This is a gift for her, and to let someone else defile it . . .

I was asked by a friend who asked just for fun, but what if it came down to your job and I just shrugged my sholders and walked away. . .

Why must life be so complicated.

There is anouther exception, but that isn't applicable here either.

BlackWolf

So yesterday had the potential to be a real bad day.  I got to bed late the night before, and my sleep was interupted by multiple people, multiple times.  Both from inside the house and inside the "Land of CellPhonesVille".  But I finaly got to sleep and three hours later woke up and headed into work.

I had two runs to DFW, the first was pick up and load at 4:00am, I was on time and back at the shops for my bus to be worked on by 8:30am.  The bus was fixed and ready to be loaded by 9:30, and my next load was at 9:00 . . .  yea this is where it started to go downhill.

I got back to campus at 17:30.  If you do the math its 4.5 hours for the first run, and 8 hours for the second run.  During the second run my sinus decided to plug, I had a headace, a fever, my knee hurt, my neck hurt, and I was exhausted on top of it all.  Everything was moving slow and I was pushing my limits on being nice.

To top it all off it was raining, which as you all should know I love the bad weather.  But the window on the bus leaks and the rain comes in pools on the dash and rolls off onto my boot.  So the only thing that really got wet yesteday was my right foot.  That sucked big time.

Thank the lord for good people like Bry and Jessica.  They helped me keep my spirits high when all I wanted to do was be grumpy.

Bry mentioned a couple times about my angry face.  When something would happen that was very annoying, which with the way I was feeling it didn't take much, I would be angry, and it showed on my face.  But it never came across to my being.  To my talk and speech, it didn't effect how I treated others, except the chinise man who wouldn't let the girls use the bathroom, and in all I was very good.

I wanted to chat with Christine last night but knew I needed sleep.  So when I got back I talked with Kris and Monty a little and then crashed on the bus.  I slept a good hour before she called and then we went for a drive in the rain, in my car, and my foot dried out.

So while yesterday had all the makings of a bad day, it really was a good day.  I enjoyed it a lot, the push, is what I enjoyed I guess.

To be dogged down with all that crap of a day and to preseveer and triumph over it and win.  I won yesterday, I pushed through and won the race.

I pray that the Lord helps again today.  Satan look out with the big JC by my side you got to do a lot more then that to get me down.

BlackWolf